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Potter A positive, practical, parental talking together, is not accidental.

by Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D.
Special to Tropical Breeze

When I listen to parents talking to their children, I remember when I too was a 24/7 parent with active youngsters and our family always on the go. Here are some ideas which worked then and apply in these days as well. I’ll call it “Listening to and talking with!”

Sometime it’s hard to listen to children at all. The chatter is overwhelming. In some cases, however, it’s underwhelming, with practically nothing talked about at all when a parent’s around, much less discussed with a parent. Parents need to find a consistent middle among ineffectives: talking too much, unfocused talking, and no talking shared or offered.

A positive, practical, parental talking together, is not accidental. It’s got to be so natural and usual that children will come to depend on it and share some oft surprising ideas and concerns!

I used to relish the talk which went on with and around me while I was driving my boys somewhere or picking them up. Hmmm! Daily for nearly 15 years there was this confined little moment and space where and when we were together, a pleasantly captivated audience with me as one member.

Sometimes we talked about the most difficult life topics to discuss. I remember discussing virginity while keeping my eyes on the traffic! It was an informal chat, not unlike one we might have about something we wanted at the store, as if we were just talking about — well almost anything. Maybe not quite. It’s that it was at that moment so easily experienced — a more awkward topic. When parents pick a formal time to slow down, sit down and talk, that very formality, so unlike hurried lives, turns the whole topic into a stiff and tough thing to discuss. This official “meeting” is even often called off!

However, there in our familiar, oft-visited old car, there was both time and quiet. Note: Even in those days we did not allow headsets to be used, much less hand-gaming, unless on a long trip. All can hear and nobody can or will tune out our precious time together between school and the mall. A snack helps. Keeps hands busy — even if there have just been many school hours when hand-games and music could not be played. This conversation idea will be hard on parents who count on these back seat diversions for children during the drive anytime, anywhere.

About that growing-up conversation, though, I parked, never having looked the boys in the face, while discussing with them their questions about virginity. Stopped, I turned in my seat, finally toward my sons. As I undid my seatbelt, I told them how glad I was we’d had that talk. I asked if they had any more questions right then. They didn’t. So I told them to ask when we get home later or anytime, okay? They nodded. We got out and got on with our after-school shopping.

The first talk about virginity was not over, but just comfortably begun, the door left open for later discussion. They did get back to me, by the way — at home not in the car..

My reaction? Even if a bit surprised at their question, I was pleased they’d chosen this way to open that first private talk. Many times we’d talked in the car before — about problems at school, about the death of a relative, etc. Their dad, Bob, and I were pleased that this latest maturing curiosity had been so naturally expressed.

As are many parents, dads and moms too, he had wondered how we would “handle” it — and other topics — when and where they came up. Did we want other children to be their inexperienced advisors instead of us? Indeed not. This is not to say all the big questions and talks, happy, sad or surprising should take place with the kids seated behind the parents. That plan just worked here to take the pressure off, if any, from considering together a special life subject.

Truly, parents who encourage their children to talk and ask regularly, find the sometimes uncomfortable moments less so. My mother had been talking with me about just about everything for my whole childhood. No surprise, then, when, as a girl of 12, on a trip through Kentucky with my family, I discovered I was having my first period,

I turned to my mama.

Her calm and encouraging, expert attitude, taking me to the ladies’ room to adjust to my new situation, answering all my many questions later on a private walk, soothed my natural physical and emotional concerns. Back we went to dinner where all seemed normal. There, I had just grown up and here we were eating dinner, just as if this happened every day, a regular thing! And it was because my mother listened to me and talked with me. She set the tone for my lifetime as a confident, grown woman. Passage to that status had been calm, understanding, normal and proud.

One dad and his wife decided that whenever “these sort” of question moments arise, their children will seek out Mom! Sorry. Children will choose who really gets to hear the questions — if any parent. Other kids? OR — will it be the parent present? The parent who’s made talking most comfortable? Postponing and forwarding tells children talking about some things is a no-no! Best? Both parents are on this routine duty… any time.

The child’s beyond baby babbling? Start two-way communication pronto! Never too late. Share some private thoughts… even weaknesses. In regularly listening and talking with, not always to, children, parents show that your family matters.

 © 2006 Rosemary Lee Potter. All Rights Reserved.

Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D., has been a teacher since 1960, including 21 years at Safety Harbor Middle School, and is now a reading teacher at Carwise Middle School, Palm Harbor. Contact her at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or by mail in care of Tropical Breeze, P.O. Box 585, Safety Harbor, FL 34695.

Have No Regrets About Spoiling Your Pets

Dear Nanny Fran,

I’ve been told that when you pet sit you spoil the animals rotten. I’m not sure that is good.

Well, I am sure that it is good. In fact it is the only way to treat your sweethearts. If you want to be a control freak… go ahead. You have my blessing; however, do not be a control freak with anything with a pulse. You will regret your actions forever.

Over the last 12 years of pet sitting I would estimate that at least 30 sweethearts whom I have loved have gone to heaven. I cannot count the number of times I have sat in a family’s living room with them and spent time to heal their wounds when they have lost their dear one. The most tragic look on a human’s face is the look that says, “Oh my God, it is over.” I have seen this look when a human has lost their own parent and I have seen it when a fur child has left us. It is the most pitiful sight you will ever see. Therefore, I refuse to leave this planet with any regrets.

I plan to go to heaven knowing that I loved each creature to the best of my ability (and beyond my ability whenever possible). Each baby gives us unconditional love every hour of the day and they ask nothing except to be loved in return.

If you wish to be in control of something, look at yourself first and make yourself your first project. When you finally get to the point where you love yourself you will love others without reservation and will have no desire to criticize and/or control.

Sophie Elizabeth Welborn

In the past three months I have “lost” at least five sweethearts that I cared for and loved. I can tell you, that right now… I am not beating myself up over the fact that I only give “two” dog biscuits per visit “per the parents’ instructions.” No, I gave more than two. And, yes, I told that sweet dear one that she was the sweetest, kindest and smartest Sophie Welborn in the entire world. Yes, I loved her with all my heart unabashedly and now that she is in heaven… I have no regrets whatsoever. I also have the most gorgeous pictures I took of her and now her parents have those fantastic pictures. I believe that we should take pictures of our loved ones nearly daily! None of us is guaranteed the next five minutes!

This is not “just a dog” or “just a cat”… these are blessings in our lives. They are lifesavers. They never do or say things that hurt our hearts. They are there for us when the two leggeds “are too busy with their own lives” or “they would rather not face the issue of your pain and sadness”.

These dear ones are perfect just the way they are! Know what?! They think we are perfect just the way we are!

 
© 2006 Francene Mattucci. All Rights Reserved.

Francene Mattucci founded Never Say Good Bye Pet Sitting Service in 1994 and is a member of Professional Petsitters International. She is recommended by the Humane Society of North Pinellas. Call 727-512-3206 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it with questions for this column.

Rabb Delay would cause ‘hardship, tax compliance problems and confusion'

by Harry Rabb, C.P.A.

Special to Tropical Breeze

Several news agencies are reporting that Congress is rapidly running out of time to extend a tax break that has saved more than 8.6 million taxpayers in eight states, including Florida, billions of dollars on their federal returns.

The Internal Revenue Service needs to submit this year’s tax forms to the printers by Oct. 15. Congress is set to adjourn by the first of October and, at the moment, there isn’t even a bill moving forward that would again allow the residents of the eight states to deduct what they pay in state and local sales taxes on their federal returns.

The tax break expired at the beginning of 2006. If Congress does act to extend the sales tax deduction, it would be retroactive to cover the entire year.

After checking with the IRS, Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, chairman of the finance committee, said in a memo that a legislative delay would cause “hardship, tax compliance problems and confusion” for millions of taxpayers.

But even as Grassley and others sought to ratchet up the pressure, Senate Republican leaders twice in September rebuffed Democratic efforts to bring to a vote a measure that would extend the sales tax deduction, along with a deduction for college tuition and a research-and-development tax credit for business.  

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., continues to insist publicly that the sales tax deduction and other so-called tax extenders will remain part of a massive money package that would cut the estate tax and raise the minimum wage. The measure also includes a $900 million tax break for Washington state-based Weyerhaeuser and other large timber companies.

Republicans hoped that by including the sales tax deduction and timber tax break they could pick up support from Washington’s two senators. But just before the August recess, the tax bill was defeated, with both voting against it.

The deal breaker for the two Washington senators was a provision that could have cost more than 100,000 waiters, waitresses and other tip-earners millions of dollars in earnings.

While Frist is reportedly negotiating with other senators about whether to let a separate tax-extenders bill come to the floor before adjournment, the legislative agenda is already crowded with issues ranging from immigration to how the U.S. will treat prisoners in the war on terror.

In the House of Representatives, Rep. Bill Thomas, R-Calif., chairman of the tax-writing Ways and Means Committee, has said he won’t be “stampeded by IRS bureaucrats” and the Oct. 15 deadline and that he still hoped to move an estate-tax package that would include the tax-extenders.

Rep. Brian Baird, D-Wash., who’s been working on the sales tax deduction since he was first elected in 1998, said he, too, thought the IRS could “deal with” congressional renewal of the sales tax deduction even if it came after Oct. 15. Congress may return after the November election.

For years, residents of the eight states that have only a sales tax were able to deduct their state and local sales taxes from their federal tax bills. But when Congress simplified the tax code in 1986, it dropped the sales tax deduction. Residents of states that have an income tax were allowed to continue deducting it on their federal returns.

Congress reinstated the sales tax deduction in 2004, but for only two years.

For Floridians, time could be running out on this significant deduction.

This information is provided as a public service and should not be construed as individual accounting or tax planning advice. For information on how these general principles apply to your situation, please consult an accounting or tax professional.

Harry Rabb is a C.P.A. and owner of Accounting Services, Inc., 935 Main Street, Suite D-1, Safety Harbor. Call 727-725-4121.

Rogan most plan to continue to work well into their traditional retirement years.

by Michael Rogan

Special to Tropical Breeze

After making a prescient and meaningless prediction on the future direction of oil prices in last month’s column, I will now return to a topic that could actually help you secure a successful financial future. The rules of retirement are changing rapidly and significantly in this country and the implications could make an enormous difference in how you spend the final third of your life.

Recently, new pension reform laws took effect that just about put the final nails in the coffin of pension plans. The days of reaching age 65 and starting “the long vacation” are over. Since the 1970s, companies and laws have slowly switched the burden of funding a retirement away from the company and toward the worker. Even though many think retirement has always been a time when you could count on a pension and Social Security for income, Americans only enjoyed that type of retirement for about 40 years.  

From the economic ashes of the Great Depression, unions grew in power and influence and helped demand pension benefits. Likewise, Congress created Social Security in 1935 in order to provide an income to those aged 65 and older – at a time when life expectancy was only 63! No one could foresee the tremendous advances in medicine and nutrition that led to our life expectancies growing dramatically. The amount of money required to fund a corporate pension or a Social Security benefit for a worker who retires at 65 with a life expectancy of 75 is exponentially less than the cost of that benefit when that retiree lives to 85 or longer. Math and demographics have combined to make those goals obsolete.

So, perhaps more than at any other time in American history, future generations will be on their own to provide for their income as they live out their days. Given this new reality, we should examine what retirement will look like for you. In our financial planning practice, we often use an exercise to walk people through creating their own retirement reality with a series of questions. Assuming you are not yet retired, take this quiz to help form a vision of your retirement years.

1)    At what age do you see yourself retiring?

2)    How much income do you think you’ll need?

3)    Where will that income come from?

4)    When you wake up in the morning, what will your day look like?

5)    Where will you live?

6)    If you were to retire today, what things would you be able to stop doing?

7)    If you were to retire today, what things would you be able to start doing?

What we have been noticing from the answers we are receiving is that the old concept of “the long vacation” is being replaced — through necessity and through choice – by a plan for most people to continue to work well into their traditional retirement years. For most Americans, this is not a choice. They simply have not invested and saved a sufficient amount of money to augment their Social Security income and not risk running out of money. Interestingly, we are also seeing the people who have accumulated substantial wealth choosing to continue working.

Perhaps it is a series of unintended consequences that have brought us to this new reality. It is unlikely that anyone could have imagined a downside to eliminating the illnesses that used to kill us early. It is doubtful that we could have predicted that by curing diseases that killed us when we were young, we would be able to live long enough to experience new illnesses, like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, that were previously not prevalent because we simply didn’t live long enough to get them.

Maybe most importantly though is that today’s retirees are seeking life with a purpose. More and more, retirement is becoming a time of transition. With preparation, people are using retirement as a time to switch from doing what you have to do, to doing what you want to do. Few people are choosing to leave their job and just play golf or hang out at the beach everyday. This will surely change our society dramatically. In the coming years, opportunities will be created for “senior citizens” that will go far beyond being a greeter at a discount retailer or asking if “you want fries with that.”

All of this means that America is once again changing, evolving, and rewriting the rules. For Baby Boomers, instead of apprehension, this is a time of opportunity. How you take advantage of that opportunity will be determined by how you plan for it. Start today by answering those questions above and forming your vision of your “retirement years.” Like most everything in life, the advantage will go to those who have planned for it.

Michael Rogan is president of Rogan & Associates Financial Planners, a locally-owned financial planning brokerage firm based in Safety Harbor. He brings nearly two decades of financial expertise to the local airwaves on the radio show, Financial Planning for Life, heard at 11 a.m. weekdays on AM 1250 WHNZ. For more information, call 727-712-3400 or visit www.RoganFinancial.com.