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by Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D.
Special to Tropical Breeze
When children and parents are part of any
gathering, even out shopping together, it is impossible not to
overhear at least part of their conversations. We don't have to
pay attention. We just hear. And so it was that recently at a
recreational event, a dad and his young daughter were making their
way past us carrying various refreshments probably back to their
seats.
Right next to me, the pretty little girl,
about seven years old, somehow stumbled, dropping her popcorn and
drink. Her daddy helped her up, but while reaching down to retrieve
what he could, said to his saddened girl, "You knucklehead. Look at
the mess you made!"
Educators and psychologists know that
children are fashioned by their surroundings. A nickname like
"knucklehead" with its obviously clumsy or stupid meaning might
seem quite harmless at the moment, but the old "...but names can
never hurt me," taunting chant is dead wrong. Even very elderly
people who can remember their long-ago easily, tell us recalled
moments of verbal pain.
My own father often told of how as a boy
he visited a small South Carolina town., only to be confronted on
the church steps by a man who made a slur on my then late
grandfather. In fact, it's unlikely that harsh or mean words
whether a name label or an insult, if addressed to a person, are
ever really forgotten.
However, is remembering actually a cause
for concern? Yes, especially if the "wounded" one hears the adult
or the person in authority repeatedly use the term. The child may
begin to believe the speaker, especially if in a close relationship
with the verbal attacker. She thinks maybe she really is a
knucklehead. This self-picture of course affects the child's next
actions, whether again daring to carry a concession beverage or
schoolbooks. The experience shakes confidence for a very long
time.
Of course, there are any number of
negative nicknames people use, sometimes supposedly "just in fun,"
as they say. Sometimes being given a nickname indicates official
recognition by a group, gang, or clique. In those cases, having a
quirky nickname online or off is desirable. Yes, it can be viewed
as funny, proof of belonging, but also a sign of the group's
supposed power.
The serious difficulty rises though, in
more everyday scenes, when again a child is called a negative
nickname in a moment of clumsiness or simple misjudgment. The dad
who picked up the snacks, if told it could harm his little girl to
call her a negative nickname, would probably not believe it.
It's high time then for us parents,
teachers, care-givers, recreation coaches, even siblings to think
of some nicer nicknames. Think is the operant word here.
"Knucklehead" is out. "Honey," is in. Yes, we know coaches are not
about to drop their lingo -- although Champ is always better than
Loser. Many nicknames might fit in a "Roadrunner" or "Tom and
Jerry" cartoon, but not when a little child trying to help has an
accident. A daddy who hugged his child, called her "honey" or
"sweetheart," and then cleaned up would reassure her that such an
event does not merit name-calling, a personally insulting label. A
comforting name which assures that everything will be all right and
too that everyone has accidents.
Parents who consider, if any nicknames at
all, ahead of time, are likely to build confidence and pride in
their children. An endearing nickname goes far. I knew one woman
who, as a little girl, was nicknamed, "Happy," because of her
cheerful behavior and attitude. The name fit well. Who's to say
that it affected the rest of her life?
She was seen as happy at school, work, and
in her family life, and as my late mother's friend. Maybe the name
actually was a cue for the rest of us, setting the scene for how we
saw her -- literally.
So shall it be "stinging," off-hand,
clever remarks? Shall it be prideful, flattering, verbal support
ringing in a child's ear -- and heart? Weighing parent-to-child
nicknames is a sound parental practice which celebrates that your
family matters.
© 2007 Rosemary Lee Potter. All
Rights Reserved.
Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D., has been a
teacher since 1960, including 21 years at Safety Harbor Middle
School, and is now a reading teacher at Carwise Middle School, Palm
Harbor. Contact her at
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
or by mail in care
of Tropical Breeze, P.O. Box 585, Safety Harbor, FL 34695.
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