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by D. Cashon Klein
Here we are at the beginning of a new year
and I find myself wondering, again, about useless things.
Why do some of us feel compelled to put
bunny ears above a loved ones head when being photographed? Where
did that come from? And why do some of us feel that it is entirely
appropriate, while others are repulsed at the very act...
considering it a crude, clandestine, degradation?
Why is the price tag always at least a
billion dollars when the government says it needs money for
something? Someone told me that a billion seconds ago it was 1959.
A billion days ago no one was walking upright on the earth. I'm
thinking a billion dollars is a lot of money. I could buy a lot of
frozen shrimp, wine, and t-shirts with that kind of cash.
How is it possible for people to be
listening to music and not move or bob their heads? I work with
people who listen to music on their various devices, yet they
don't even tap a foot. How is that possible?
Why do we use lingo? There are certain
phrases that are used in office settings. These phrases include,
"On a go forward basis..." "With that said..." "We'll take it up
with the Os..." (CEO, CFO, etc.) I suppose lingo in any venture is
inevitable...but why?
Why is it okay to use the term "marry up"
in the print business when referring to putting the signatures of a
book together, but we can't use the word for people of the same
sex who want to be together? Paper good, people bad?
Why do men like to spit on sidewalks,
roads, or any public place where people walk? Do they have that
much mucous? Is it in their DNA?
Why can I remember the name of a person's
cat, but not the person?
Why is it that everything is "breaking
news" on CNN?
Why do we bless each other when we sneeze
as if we really had the power to do such a thing? I can't even
understand how the pope can bless people...much less myself.
Why is wanting peace unpatriotic?
Why is the office coffee machine such a
hotbed of controversy? "WHY ARE THERE TWO ALMOST EMPTY POTS HERE?"
" WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER MAKES A FRESH POT?" "WHY IS AN
EMPTY POT ON THE F****** BURNER?" "WHY DID SOMEONE TURN THE BURNER
OFF AND NOT MAKE COFFEE?" I'm thinking Pakistan, Afghanistan, and
the Sudan have bigger problems....
Why do dogs eat poop? And then, knowing
this, we kiss them on the mouth?
Why do I screw up really easy recipes, but
do well with complicated ones? Why do I continually say I'm
terrible at math when I figure out complicated mathematical
scenarios at work every day? Habit?
How is it that a totally naked woman who
has a membership at a really exclusive spa can berate an employee
because there is cucumber water instead of orange juice in the one
of many lounging areas that happens to be closest to the eucalyptus
steam room, dry sauna and ice plunge?
First, it amazes me that someone could
feel so superior while naked. I thought a power position involved
standing in a good navy or black suit while the other person sits
in a chair. Second, HELLO... you are fortunate to BE a member of a
really exclusive spa that at least 95% of the world's population
will never, EVER, experience and you're pissed about the flavor of
the friggin' WATER?
Why do we still have beauty pageants in
the twenty first century?
What is the carbon footprint of Disney
World, or the Hefner Mansion, or Hulk Hogan's house?
Why do we tear down and re-build stadiums
that are only a few years old but schools have pod classrooms for
many years?
Why do people at work continually wish the
day was over and complain that it lasts so long when rushing the
day would only bring them closer to death?
How is it that a person can stand at a
copy machine for ten minutes with her skirt stuck in her panties
and no one says a word?
Debbie Cashon Klein is a Safety Harbor
resident.
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