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by D. Cashon Klein
Let us examine quantum physics in the work
place. First of all, let me preface this by explaining quantum
physics, as I understand the concept. This is an
over-simplification, kind of like explaining the space station as
if it is the Tea Cup ride at Disney World.
If a living being emits vibrations and
gives off energy at the cellular level, then it can be said that
positive, or as the Beach Boys ascertained, good vibrations attract
good energy, and negative vibrations attract negative energy,
I actually believe this concept. It makes
sense. I know for a fact that the "woe is me" attitude assures that
the bank account will bottom out, the property you rent will be
sold and the car will die. Good things do not happen when you're
bemoaning all the bad things that might occur. How does worrying
about death, disease, and bills enhance my life now? Anyone? Don't
be afraid to yell out an answer...
It doesn't. I know this for a fact. I
became acutely aware of every negative statement uttered in my
vicinity in a typical day.
"My head hurts. I have a headache." These
are the words I hear from a friend at work every single day. I
thought about making her a t-shirt so she wouldn't need to
actually say them out loud. I will deem the day she does not utter
these words a national holiday. I believe it has become a phrase
uttered without thought like "You GO girl" or " Good morning."
It's a habit now, a mantra. Here's the clincher. She gets a
headache every day. I'm reasonably sure it has nothing to do with
a tumor. I believe her headache probably vanishes when she enjoys a
day at home, or meets friends for a drink -- or has sex.
There's a conversation I hear every day
that I like to call Dueling Work Loads. "I'm soooo stressed. I
can't believe they expect me to do all of these projects. It's
just not fair. What do they think I do all day? She doesn't have
the pile of work that I have. Just look at her desk." "You think
you've got it bad? Look at all the work I have. I've got stuff
piled UNDER my desk! There's no room in my files!" "Yeah, well...
neither of you is asked to do what I have to do every day. I swear
I'm quitting this place. I don't need this crap. I have a degree.
They're paying me top dollar to be a clerk!"
Meanwhile, I've managed to crank out
another spreadsheet, trim my nails and get a cup of coffee.
I'm not bragging. I swear I'm not. But
it just seems so much nicer to chug along with work and ignore
stuff I can't change.
I particularly get a kick out of the
disease contest.
"There must be a storm coming. I can
always tell because my neck hurts so badly I can barely think."
"YOU? Both of my knees swell up and I can't bend my fingers just
before it rains. It never fails. Listen to the sound my arm makes
when I straighten it! Did you HEAR that?" "Well, you guys are
lucky. The national weather service should just consult me rather
than the Doppler, because my head and the pins in my foot always
know when rain is coming. I need to schedule an M.R.I."
"The crud is going around. It starts in
the sinuses, moves into the throat, and settles in the chest.
Everyone is getting it." "I know. This is my fifth pneumonia. I
almost died once." "Well... I was dead once, but they revived me."
"All I know is, there's a strange bug going around that takes
weeks to run its course." " My second cousin's mother had exactly
what I had last week. She lives in California. It‘s
everywhere, I tell you."
Right about this time I sneeze. It gets
quiet. Someone asks, "Do you have allergies? Do you have a cold?"
"No," I say, "I just sneezed. When a foreign particle lands on the
cilia hairs in the nose, it causes one to sneeze. It's the body's
way of ridding the orifice of an irritant." (I learned this in
anatomy when I went to massage school.) There is dead silence as my
co-workers scrutinize me as if I have three heads. Then someone
says, "It's probably a toxic building. I bet there's black mold
here. They don't care about us. They probably never check the air
filters in this place." "All I know is, they just want to get more
work out of us until we're stressed and run-down, which makes us
more susceptible to colds and the black mold!" By now I've
finished another spreadsheet, blown my nose and am thinking about
what to eat for lunch.
Here's the point. I seem to be the only
one who hasn't been sick, not counting that major hangover. I even
like my job. I think it's pretty neat that I've been there for
almost five years. They even put me on a committee. I have a cozy
cubicle with cool pictures of friends, family and my cat.
I think I'm fortunate. I have an old car
that runs and no car payments. I have a roof over my head. I'm
strong and healthy. Harper Collins is going to call any day now and
ask me to do a book. Of course, negative and cranky always make for
better stories, so, for the sake of writing, bad is good.
You'll get good vibrations any way I can
send ‘em, honey.
Debbie Cashon Klein is a Safety Harbor
resident.
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