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by Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D.
Special to Tropical Breeze
It's one thing to make a promise and
another to keep it. Many times all of us make a promise with every
good intention of keeping it. Yet, sometimes, a promise may be more
like what we'd hope we could do, rather than what we can
accomplish without fail. We mean well. Children watch us like hawks
in this matter. If we are all too free with statements of hope,
rather than commitment to follow-through, promises can fall through
and why should children copy us? "I promised myself...?"
The main thing is that both for ourselves
and for youngsters about whom we care, learning to make and keep
sincere promises, is an important life skill we need -- not only to
have a positive self-concept, but as a self-management tool. A man
or woman of his/her word is a strong statement of character these
days.
Here are some positive suggestions, from
notably successful parents, about promises, promises!
1. Try to make the one promise you'll
really keep hugely important, simple, easily and gloriously carried
out. Maybe ice cream? A game in the yard after dinner? A trip to
the mall!
2. Encourage children to make simple
promises. Big and elaborate promises are often self-defeating,
almost impossible to keep. Say, "I'll not do that for the next two
weeks! Right! How about, more like "for just a few days" for the
promise. At least for the first round. There are years to try
longer promising, like, "I'll take you out west before you
graduate." Better to start out more like, "We'll go fishing down
in Sarasota" next month. Very specific and with a really can-do
goal.
3. Talk about the value to reputation and
dependability for home, school, and work, for the true promise
keeper, Put a premium on keeping the promises, reminding not to
"bite off more than you can chew!" Talk about what would be so
important that it deserves one's word, known as a promise, a
vow.
4. When there is a lapse and the wail of
"But you promised..." perhaps all should briefly discuss what
happened to the expected outcome. Here's the time to try again,
this time bending way over backward to keep the word you gave
and/or encouraging the child to do the same in a similar situation.
Don't just disappoint.
5. When promises are kept, there should
also be celebration of that super commitment achieved. Yes, it was
expected, so what's so special? It's always special when someone
comes through. How often have we heard the remark that the promise
kept is somehow exceptional. Do people expect disappointment,
broken promises?
You'll hear some surprised person say,
"Yes, I know you said that you would do it, but I really didn't
expect you'd...!" Wow! Too often promises broken?
So it boils down to promise -- then when
made -- keep it and expect your children to do the same. The shows
brilliant promise for future parenting.
For children this deliberately discussed
practice and performance of promising, is making good right then --
on your own promise that your family matters!
© 2008 Rosemary Lee Potter. All
Rights Reserved.
Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D., has been a
teacher since 1960, including 21 years at Safety Harbor Middle
School, and is now a reading teacher at Carwise Middle School, Palm
Harbor. Contact her at
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
or by mail in care
of Tropical Breeze, P.O. Box 585, Safety Harbor, FL 34695.
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