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by Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D.
Special to Tropical Breeze
While waiting for my computer to clean
itself up for an hour or so, I noticed that one of the operations
which was being performed was "defragging." The assumption is that
something -- maybe programming or files are in a fragmented state.
Anyway, it reminded me of a serious parenting topic which has come
together from many observational moments. I'm calling it the
fragmented child. The fragmented child I'll define as one whose
overall life is in pieces -- now that is not to say -- through
tragedy or health issues -- but in the way his/her life is lived --
in just pieces of time and relationship.
Why would it matter? Much. The fragmented
child finds it hard to be consistent at school, to develop much of
any purposeful idea in depth, his/her family spread out so thin
that outside schedules make any family togetherness almost
non-existent. Here are a few symptoms of life fragmentation.
1. Child rarely engages in an activity for
a long period. Young or old cannot/will not focus attention on a
single matter, issue, or project -- unless hugely motivated.
2. Child almost always speaks in a hurried
fashion in fragmented pattern, rarely in a complete sentence, often
answering or retorting even before listening -- in TV style.
3. Child shows obvious impatience with any
situation which needs sustained attention, often completing
schoolwork in a hurried, sloppy manner, not bothering to reread or
take time for correction, even if time is granted.
4. Child's daily schedule includes
amounts of TV, computers, electronic gaming, out of proportion to
all other aspects of living -- including eating, sleeping and
playing. Video, gaming, electronic format moves fast, changes
rapidly, is constantly interrupted by ads, announcements, events,
training for short takes on everything.
5. Child even at a young age is not in the
habit of socializing with family or siblings, or of happily
spending "downtime" with their folks. Fragmentation trains short
attention span, discourages deep interests, cuts short real or
extended dialog, wastes relationships time and makes for an "I
don't care" attitude.
WAIT! Parents are in charge here! When
conversation with an offspring consists of sound-bites, as in a
sit-com, or supposedly clever come-backs learned from even younger
juvenile programming as a model, it's time for a change.
Parents are in charge here. Make it
happen. Family's at home, not always roaring out at every minute
to some event, be it a great frequent sports outing or not.
Sometimes,yes, but not always -- no matter what all the other kids
are doing. Nothing's wrong with old-fashioned family schedules
enforced gently by modeling. No problem with defragging the TV
house system -- to just a main TV and perhaps one in a family room
-- not in every room -- certainly not in student bedrooms. Can
afford multiple TVs doesn't wash here. Parents can't afford to
let children regularly distance themselves literally and privately
-- habitually not wanting the "interruption" of wholesome family
life. If away from parents and viewing distasteful and wrongly, how
can they hear the parent's reaction of disgust?
Parents are in charge here. Setup a home
computer lab for the family -- not the one parents use for their
business. No bedroom door closed on a child's private computer
lab. Take door off if need be. Rather a neat family set-up in a
commons area.
Parents are in charge here. Retrieve all
cell phones or off them for several hours each night -- part of
their allowance to have one. During that time, provide a great meal
and/or dessert and a place where everyone sits down together to
share and talk, each taking a turn and each listening to the
others. If kids do not get to talk in depth with their folks, then
who would we want them talking to in short clipped sound bites, in
abbreviated thumb-typed text messages for hours and hours and
hours. Remember, no outsider gets to interrupt that family time --
ring-tones, land-lines, door knocks -- included.
Parents are in charge here -- of
defragging their home and their children's lives... and their own
as well. These are the important years. Fragments of lives and of
pottery do not mend well. Parents who are in charge try to keep
their children's lives from breaking into such fragments in the
first place.
Parents are in charge here. They can slow
down, replan, reschedule, refocus, restrict, defrag. Too busy is
not an excuse nor an option. Fragmentation is family and
child-disastrous. Even one defragged area helps. If parents defrag
their children's lives, they, without a doubt, will prove that
your family matters!
© 2008 Rosemary Lee Potter. All
Rights Reserved.
Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D., has been a
teacher since 1960, including 21 years at Safety Harbor Middle
School, and is now a reading teacher at Carwise Middle School, Palm
Harbor. Contact her at
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
or by mail in care
of Tropical Breeze, P.O. Box 585, Safety Harbor, FL 34695.
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