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Dr. Potter

Sharing Reality With Children Is Appropriate

by Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D.

Parents are often out and about with their families, many choosing to travel at length with their young ones. Along the highways — in motel lobbies, stores, at gas stations, sports events. Some of these family expeditions are quite a challenge. If you can judge by the weariness on parents’ faces and the over-excitement shown by child travelers and participants, perhaps hitting the road with youngsters is often just too much.

Well, for some families, maybe, that’s true. However, when I stopped momentarily to refuel in north Florida recently, I was very pleased to see what one set of parents and their five children are doing to survive, have fun, even learn from their van journeys.

Into the store came five young children with their mother approaching the check-out counter, each with a self-selected beverage and a small snack. Now I remember as a mom how it all went more quickly at that sort of counter, when everything to be bought was piled in by all and then my husband or I paid for the whole lot.

Not so this mom. As we watched from behind in the line, each child, for example, one of the boy twins (6), stepped up to pay, digging out money from a small pocket on an elastic necklace, the pocket carrying also his first name.

The mom asked each child in turn if they had enough money and it was marvelous to see that the child had readied the money in the affirmative while waiting. This was obviously not the first time this individualized procedure had been followed. This patient paying plan, after all a highly likely experience when the buyers are 6-8 years old, is quite slow for both the parents involved, much less, the adults standing along behind waiting in line. Yet, this last lot of folks, me included, were not unhappy, even if in a hurry. We were fascinated at this great parenting plan in action.

And so it was carried on until all the children had paid and stepped away with their drinks and goods toward the door. As they left, I asked the mother about this neck packet plan. She said they did it all the time, not only during vacation, but around their own town in Georgia, whenever all five children were making the rounds together.

“The necklaces,” she explained, “help the children focus on their ‘ways and means,’” she explained. “They can’t go over budget,” she laughed. Then they were out of the store, loaded into their van, and gone. What practical and fun learning! However, it takes parent planning and patience. Far more often a mom is at the counter with two little ones asking, no begging, that she buy them something they’ve already got in hand.

Later in the summer, here it came again — another huge dose of reality for all of us to consider as part of daily life, much less which may easily affect children. Even if young folks did not see the continuous TV coverage of the recent foiled terrorist airplane plot, it would be highly likely they would pick up the concern, the anxiety and the anger that their parents may show in light of the horrible news.

As I noted in 2001 when we endured the immediate fear associated in the aftermath of the World Trade Center disaster, here again are a few ideas which parents might consider in helping their young folks to cope in these trying times.

1. Talk about the current problem if children ask, keeping the details as simple as possible, depending on age level, and avoiding the most graphic information.

2. It would be a good idea, as with the 9/11 TV coverage, to limit the amount of such that young children view, certainly avoiding endless repetition of visuals and dire talk.

3. As with the post 9/11 airport rule changes, if an airplane trip was previously scheduled and now will not take place, it’s quite fair to tell youngsters that you have decided to postpone the trip for a while, to a time when you will feel more comfortable about flying.

4. If it turns out parents and children do fly and are going somewhere where children’s tech toys can no longer be carried on, then plan for this ahead of time. Get this information ahead of time. Then get out to the toy store and find an alternative something non-tech, yet constructive and entertaining to do while aboard.

Crayons and blank paper, activity books, a small construction project are starters!

Hey! What about a good book or three? School and public librarians will have a list of ideal read-alongs from which to choose. So will bookstores.

It serves no good purpose to relay parental worries nor to dwell on stereotyping other people nor their beliefs. Yet, while we protect our students at school and children at home, we must also make sure they are informed at their appropriate level — just as parents and teachers did with regard to JFK, the loss of space shuttles, 9/11 and the tragedy at Columbine High School.

Parents can go a long way to develop and monitor their children’s comfort zones during crisis events, whether it concerns learning how to buy tasty things or to cope with terrible news. Parents who take this responsibility, demonstrate how much their family matters.

© 2006 Rosemary Lee Potter. All Rights Reserved.