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Editor’s Note: Columnist
Debbie Klein forwarded this letter that she received in response to her August
humor column, “A Machine That Really Sucks.” She said, “Who knew a sweeper guy
could be so funny? Unfortunately, he did not send me a sweeper…”
Dear Mrs. Klein:
Your very
interesting letter of September 24 has been received, digested and passed
around our rather large facilities. It evoked howls, groans, grins and even a
rare few pleas for mercy.
Of course your
problems started when you told your sis-in-law and your ex (what are they doing
together?) that a cheaper one would be sufficient.” One should never tell that
to a sister-in-law or particularly to an “ex.”
So they accommodated
your wishes and bought what we call a “throw away” vacuum which doesn’t vacuum
very well but has the advantage of being light and therefore easy to heave at
someone. In this case you had two good targets and I hope you used the
opportunity.
You mentioned the
inadequacies of this pitiful Christmas gift and for just a few more bucks Sis
and Ex could have been heroes: They could have bought you an Oreck. They are
fully returnable and we even pay the freight both ways!!! Furthermore: Our
sweepers are ergonomic and efficient. Masking tape on a stick is far less
efficient than the Oreck. I’ve tried both.
The filter system
you described was invented by Ivan the Terrible and no such problems could
possibly exist with the Oreck hypo-allergenic filtering system. We guarantee it!
As for the little filter growing up hopefully to be a Dyson, that would be a
waste because all Dyson has picked up since they came to America is a plethora of lawsuits.
The saga of cleaning
in tight spaces is a gut grabber. With every Oreck upright comes an Oreck
Compact unit with a long, easily managed hose and 8 attachments to clean fans,
blinds, behind and under beds, upholstered furniture, cars, boats, etc. It was
rather interesting to picture you climbing on the bed to vacuum behind the
headboard and to vacuum the fan. Of course it brought to mind the bare possibility
of old “Ex” and Sis being in that bed and perhaps some propitious placement of
the hose and brush, weak as they might be, could liven things up a bit. The
Oreck would suck them right out of the bed and through a plate glass window.
Rolling over the
electric cord with an Oreck is virtually impossible as it is protected at the
vac head by a heavy wire mesh. We do think of everything.
Again our thanks for
your marvelously written letter and we send our warmest regards.
Cordially,
David Oreck
Oreck Corporation
New
Orleans, Louisiana
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