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by D. Cashon Klein
I'm not stupid. I just don't know some
stuff. I think that's a fair assessment. It can be a source of
chagrin to friends and family, but I challenge anyone to tell me
that they know everything. There are scientists who contend we only
use 10% of our brain, some will say far less than that. Still
others choose a more positive approach and say we have the
potential to use much more than 10%. I probably use about 2.5%...
maybe. But I'll bet that Jeopardy guy doesn't use much more than
that. You know, that Kevin, or Ken, or Kyle Jones, or Jennings, or
Jeffords guy.
Names have a tendency to escape me. My
daughter, a person with a HUGE brain, often becomes exasperated.
For example, she has a musician friend who was hired to do all of
the music for a new movie coming out in October 2008. He knows that
Coppola-Godfather-guy's daughter... Sonia, or Sophie, SOPHIA...
that's it.
Anyway, she (Sophia) got Kristin's friend
the job, because he is very good, and he also happens to know her.
Kristin had recounted the whole story to me, so I was telling my
friend David about it while Kristin was here to visit. I thought
she was not listening because she had her nose in her notebook.
(The Mac kind, not the ruled paper kind.)
"David, Kristin's friend Bradford got
hired to do the music for Where the Wild Things Are. It's a Bruce
Lee movie."
"It's Jonze, Mom, Spike Jonze. Bruce Lee
was a kung fu guy."
(She was listening)
"Oh, that's right, what was I thinking?
Now I remember. So David, Spike Lee will be directing this film.
He's that black director that did movies like Mo Better
Blues."
"NO, Spike JONZE mommy... damn!"
"But I thought Spike Jones was dead.
Wasn't he a bandleader, and an actor on Burke's Law? I didn't
realize he directed movies," I said meekly.
"OMIGAWD, Spike Jonze is young. He
directed Adaptation, and Being John Malkovich. He's not black. He
used to be married to Sophia Coppola. WHAT is Burke's
Law?"
So I decided I wasn't doing well with
this particular story. But Kristin has many interesting stories, so
I decided to tell David a different one.
"David, did I tell you that Kristin had a
famous person in her apartment?"
I could see my daughter massaging her
temples out of the corner of my eye. Really, she's far too young
to be getting headaches, in my opinion.
"R.E.M. played in Atlanta, and through a
series of circumstances they went to Kristin's apartment because
she was having a get together and had invited the opening band. But
she didn't have enough toilet paper so she told the people in the
opening band to just let themselves in and she'd get some on the
way home. Anyway, she walked in holding this bag FULL of toilet
paper and noticed MICHAEL SNIPES sitting on her couch!"
"Noooooo Mom!," Kristin cried in a
plaintive tone, "his name is Michael STIPE. And there is no "S."
Snipes are what you tricked me into hunting when we went on camping
trips... remember? Snipes were mythological furry creatures that
you made me crouch with a paper sack and flashlight to catch while
you banged on a metal pot to "flush" them out.... REMEMBER?"
I had failed miserably with yet another
name. I decided to start writing names that I want to remember on
post-it notes. There are strange notes all over my house, stuck to
various objects. The casual visitor to my home will see Spike
Jonze-Malkovich, Michael Stipe-toilet paper-R.E.M., Rod Steiger (I
can never recall his name, and I always confuse him with Dennis
Hopper.) Other names on sticky notes include Kim Gordon, This is
Spinal Tap, Billy Collins, Prefuse 73, Zelnorm, crème
fraiche, and Thich Nhat Hanh.
Many of these notes are no longer relevant
because I don't know what they mean anymore. I used to think
Shapiro was a Japanese name, and Goya foods were kosher products. I
didn't realize that smoked salmon was also lox. So much to learn
every day, no? These things in and of themselves do not make me a
stupid person. I know stuff. I know LOTS of stuff.
I just can't recall anything you'd be
interested in at this particular moment. I'll get back to you,
because I had a note somewhere to remind me to tell you
something...
Debbie Cashon Klein is a Safety Harbor
resident.
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