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by D. Cashon Klein
I feel that it is my humble obligation as
an older person of wisdom to impart the knowledge that comes from
experience to the graduates of 2007. Feel free to look up words.
Sometimes, those of us with extraordinary intelligence use words
that may be difficult for others to grasp. We can’t help it.
Herewith are some pearls I’d like to share with you as you
venture from high school into the real world. May God have mercy on
your fresh, young souls.
The Bealls Outlet in Dunedin is a pretty
good one, as outlets go. Tuesdays seem to be the day they get new
stuff. Be patient in your search because sometimes the best
bargains are not immediately evident. I found a Mary McFadden brown
sweater, size seven, impeccable weave, under lime-green
overalls.
A tattoo commemorating your graduation is
generally not a good idea in the long run. But if you absolutely
must have one, Kevin, at Lou’s, is pretty good.
Guys that drive VW anythings (slowly) will
be bigger babe magnets than guys that drive pimped-out cars fast.
VW girls are infinitely cooler than sports car girls. Just ask my
cousin.
Be politically active. Read about the
world, the whole world, and question everything. If you practice
civil disobedience, a vinegar soaked bandanna works well to limit
the effects of tear gas when pressed against the mouth and nose.
The powers that be are counting on you to be apathetic and only
watch and read mainstream media. They can get away with more if you
do not pay attention. Be vigilant.
Always use a good sunscreen or you will
look like something that could be skinned and used to upholster a
couch by the time you are 60. Sixty is not a hundred years away. It
is approximately 43 years from where you are now. You will be
amazed how fast your 10-year class reunion rolls around.
Learn to spell words out in their
entirety. It opens up a whole, new world. Words are good. Words are
power. Abbreviations do come in handy, however, if you are a
waitress. I learned the hard way that writing everything out does
not work when taking food orders. It just killed me to write TC
sand. instead of “toasted cheese sandwich, golden brown, with
a mild cheddar cheese toasted to a creamy consistency…
piping hot.”
There are really cute guys who work at the
Mac store in the International Mall.
Statistically, approximately 40% of all
students lose their class rings within a year of graduation.
Don’t beat yourselves up over it. Mine’s somewhere in
Erie, Pennsylvania at the bottom of a lake. The memory was better
than the ring. I was not wearing sunscreen.
It’s OK to get a college degree. And
it’s OK not to get one. If you do go away to college and find
it’s not for you, always, always, always quit in time for
your parents to get most of their money back. Don’t wait
until a week later just because you’re having so much fun. (I
think it’s within 4 weeks, but ask your registrar to be
sure…)
Goals should not be driven by the bottom
line or when you’ll own your first BMW. Follow your passion,
whether it’s technology or trapeze. My daughter works in a
diner to pay her bills, but she also drives bands across the
country and travels with them around the world as a sort of road
manager. She has tasted hot-dog flavored potato chips in Japan, as
well as chai tea with a monk. She was chauffeured around Prague by
a crazy, round Czech who also drove Madonna and Nick Cave. She
played with kittens in a garden in Switzerland. She’s the
smartest person I know. No degree. Get my point?
Don’t seek happiness as if
it’s a thing. It just is. It doesn’t have to be all the
time. It ebbs and flows.
Call your parents… often.
Last, but not least, you cannot discern
that people are beautiful by looking at them.
Debbie Cashon Klein is a Safety Harbor
resident.
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