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by Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D.
Special to Tropical Breeze
It was early morning and I'd been in my
doctor's comfortable waiting room for just a few minutes
— you know, filling out the update form and privacy
notice once again. Just then an older woman walked into the area
with a darling little boy with curly hair and full of smiles. Soon
they were joined by the radiant mama who came in with a very small
infant whom grandma held. The mom sat down with her energetic and
active pre-schooler.
I continued to fill out my paperwork,
occasionally looking up to consider some point or still dig out
some insurance number. Now, although, I couldn't help hearing the
older child as he loudly recited his ABCs and sang songs, it seemed
a fairly normal behavior in that small a boy, even a bright
behavior. It certainly didn't bother me.
Nevertheless, the next time I looked up I
was shocked to see the lovely young mother get up, look directly at
me and, in a loud voice, accuse me of not liking the little boy's
behavior! She began with "You don't have any grandchildren, do
you?" Before she could continue I calmly told her, "Right. I
don't," I said, adding, "but doesn't it count that I just taught
four three-year-olds to swim over at a Largo pool, am a middle
school classroom teacher, and write a Tropical Breeze monthly
parenting column?"
I finished with "You must have
misinterpreted my paperwork behavior."
No apologies were heard. The woman
retreated to her seat with her little boy and soon they were
ushered, with Grandma and the tiny sibling, into the examination
area.
I never saw them again. However, I wish
now I had as there were some truly helpful ideas I might have
shared, although I certainly haven't received an invitation.
Perhaps, though, the mama will read this column and note what other
young moms are trying for such a trying moment. For it was the
mama's concern about her child's behavior which provoked her
anger at me. In addition, in those first few two-child weeks, there
is naturally much stress with parents truly tired out.
Looking back, it was interesting to recall
that when the little boy came in with his grandma, he was
energetic, yet quieter. When mom came in with the tiny baby, the
older lad's tempo and volume increased. Still that really was
quite normal. The young man was showing who he was and why he too
was important — as important, and really smarter, even
than that little baby who was now getting special attention on
grandma's lap.
Still, the young boy was certainly not
bothering me — as involved as I was in the repetitious
paperwork questions and that especially detailed privacy
notice.
Here's what one new mom told me later
when I inquired how she'd handled her early post-delivery exams
with both her pre-school daughter and her new baby boy along. Like
the mama I'd seen, she'd been smart enough to get someone to
help, in her case, her sister, who minded the baby, while the new
mother gave attention to the older child. Here's how she managed
relative public quieting. She treated the moment as a special time
together, had a special cookie treat and juice in her bag PLUS two
children's books which she then read to her little girl. They were
in a wonderful world apart from the others in that particular
waiting room, quite an accomplishment.
As I talked with several other young moms
(and dads) I heard mention of many parenting resources they use to
get ideas for fun together. Coincidentally, during my own
experience back in the doctor's office, I had spotted one myself,
Family Fun, a ten-issue magazine to share ideas for great family
times together. I found the ideas so fun that I was tempted to
subscribe even though I have no really young children in my home.
However, there's my grand-niece, Kennedy, and her mom and dad,
Casey and Chris. There are some really fun-sounding activities,
games, parties, crafts and recipes with loads of child-parent
interaction.
Visit www.familyfun.com/savings for more
information or to subscribe.
Another possible source of information,
again online, is www.bethere.org where it is affirmed how important
daily parent/child interaction is to the child's development, even
school achievement.
Finally, still another related website is
www.momtalk.com where I actually found a shared story of a two-year
old boy's reaction to his new twin brothers.
There were some very sound suggestions to
help the older brother cope with the reality of sharing his mom,
dad and grandparents. There are many other articles of interest to
moms including stories from other mothers on finding time to take
care of themselves.
My own childhood was wonderful, and busy
AND sibling-shared! At five, with dark brown braids, I frankly hid
under a convenient play table the day they brought my blonde,
curly-headed, blue-eyed sister home from the hospital. I stayed
under there for what seemed like hours. I remember wishing they
hadn't brought her home. My dad made sure that the next day, he
took me over to the park where we fed the ducks and he told me
stories — just to me and only me — not that
sister person.
In that way, my parents began to make sure
I knew that I was also important to them, not displaced, by that
pretty baby who would grow up to be my now beloved sister and now
always in cahoots. That long ago deliberate reassurance for me, the
older sister, was my own very special time and my privilege. It
proved to me how much your family matters.
© 2007 Rosemary Lee Potter. All
Rights Reserved.
Rosemary Lee Potter, Ed.D., has been a
teacher since 1960, including 21 years at Safety Harbor Middle
School, and is now a reading teacher at Carwise Middle School, Palm
Harbor. Contact her at
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
or by mail in care
of Tropical Breeze, P.O. Box 585, Safety Harbor, FL 34695.
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